Of heartbreaks and melancholies..

It was one September day..It was just an ordinary day like the days before..I was chatting along infront of the computer, listening at the radio, when the phone began to ring..I wasn't expecting who that person is..I talked to him with a giddy smile on my face like a child having her wonderful doll..We talked for just minutes cause i really have to go somewhere..then, "goodbye.." he said.. i placed the phone down and went out.. while i was walking outside, i began to reminisce about him..how he smile, the he laugh so annoying with those sparkling eyes..oh anything! and then..SNAP!! what was i thinking?! I'm not supposed to think about those things! ERASE..ERASE..going back..Monday came..and I felt excitement..step by step..while going up the stairs..thinking where he was..2nd floor..hmm..full of cute little monster kids! one step away then i reached heaven! oh. it was 3rd floor.(hehe) Smile..Relax..then walk confidently.. "hi.." he said.. i coudn't do anything but to smile..his smile made my heart melt! his eyes are so wonderful that I can't stop looking at it! *wink* Everyday became more exciting...My world became more wonderful..it was as if i am the happiest person..

Not until days..weeks..and months passed by..I thought It was just like the fairy tales..girl meets boy and they live happily ever after..but no..i realized that love isn't always about happy ending..love is all about sacrificing anything you have to just to save something..Truly, some things are just not meant to last.. let's leave it that way..With that love, came my heartbreak, my heart was shattered apart..Not even a single feather went down on me.. oh heaven, what happened to my angel?!

how about all those sweet days? all those promising words you told me? all of it..are all..just lies..? but i dont want to hear the answer anymore..because it might hurt..but its the reality of life.. people come and go..some are for fun, some are for tears.. while most of them are just passing by..but i dont know which of them do u belong..but i just want you to know that i dont regret meeting you..and if ever i am to live my life again..i would still choose to meet you.

It still hurts, but I know it’ll be over soon, I know I’ll forget this feeling I have for you. I know…I know…I HOPE…

This is just an ordinary day like the days before..I am writing this article, writing about him..remebering the past..when i suddenly remembered one line from one special song..here i am, holding back the tears from my eyes while trying to smile to make my day okay..every memory keeps coming back..

some drama

the nights has been starless since the day you left me...i was at the sta. lucia mall when i learned the most painful yet the greatest lesson in my life..-- to love.. while staring at your idle face on the descending escalator from where i was standing, a blossoming love and sheer joy pleased my heart to love you..

for the past months, i have grown to like you.. to care for you.. and love you. everyday is like falling in love again and again..seeing your eyes makes my heart melt and jump at the same time.. its like always meeting the same person for the 1st time..

i've always wanted you. it was during our 1st year in highschool when i secretly loved you.. i have been the best pretender of all times... i cannot do anything just to stare wonderful eyes as they sparkle.. i really miss the days when i could still hold ur hands.. stare at ur eyes whenever i want.. hug you so tight just to let you know that i dont want to lose you.. but.. those days were over.. there's no more magic.. no more romance.. i just have to accept reality.. and this is it.. the realization that ur gone. and that i must move on and forget the only shooting star that i own before..

i always wonder why you left me hanging here.. i always ask myself if u really loved me or just pretending that u did.. you know, u can always tell me the truth even though it would hurt me so much that my heart would burn inside.. you told me that maybe someday.. the spark between u and i will come back.. nothing is impossible right? so i waited.. waited and hoped that this will get into something.. days after the break up, we still see each other and act normally as if nothing happened.. still sweet and tender..i always try to feel you.. always try to feel if u still love me.. but again. things just got complicated.. its the im-not-so-sure if he love me.. its the same way that im feeling before when we're still together.. so confused about how and what u feel for me.. is it u?or is it just because im so sensitive..

our break up didnt end up like worst and im really glad that we ended up as good friends.. to tell you the truth, i really cried when u broke up with me.. i just cant accept the fact that ur gone.. its just because losing someone u really treasure and love is gone.. i loved u since 1st year. i had u for a month and a half.. and i really have to accept the fact that ur never comin back.. i told u that even though our relationship is gone.. i'll always love u the same way..my love wont change., just look back and i'll be there to comfort and make ur darkest days so bright..

i know that someday, another girl will replace me in ur heart.. but im still thankful cause God gave me the most beautiful chance that i had..and that is to have you for once..

i wish that one day.. i would wake up happily.. without the pain u left me. without ur memories.. and without the love that i still have for you.. he's the only drummer that has the most beautiful eyes.. eyes that once told me that he love me..

######
the author is still healing her heart, but she doesn't want to talk about what happened during the past year.. Life is so beautiful. why waste it? Goodluck to all of us! *smiles*

November 14, 2006 (Sandy SayS GOODBYE)

Last p0st..


0o last post ko na siguro ito sa ngayon. kailangan ko nang mag move on sa mga ngyari.. ayoko nang balikan pa ang mga nakaraan ko.. auko namang mabuhay ako sa kalungkutan..

mejo madami na rin akong ipinamahagi dito.. saya. lungkot. galit. poot. frustrations. pagtatagumpay. pero dumating na ang sandaling kailangan ko na munang magpaalam..

Hindi lamang ako sa blog ngpapaalam.. marahil, nagpapaalam rin ako sa mga taong nakibahagi dito.. sa mga nagbasa... at higit sa lahat.. nais ko na nang magpaalam sa taong minahal ko ng lubusan..

Madami tayong pinagsamahan.. madami ring naging problema.. pero ito na yung panahong kailangan na nating magpaalam sa isa't isa.. magpaalam sa mga ala ala.. parang isang alikabok na sumasabay sa hangin.. hayaan na lang natin na ang panahon ang mag udyok sa atin palapit muli sa isa't isa..

Hindi kita sinisisi sa mga ngyari.. gusto ko lamang na malaman mong hindi lang ako ang nagkamali.. parehas tayo.. kung hindi dahil sa ating pagmamatigas at gantihan, hindi na sana aabot ang lahat dito.. hindi na sana tayo magkakahiwalay pa..

Kung nagkaroon lang sana tayo ng oras para sa isa't isa, matagal ko na sanang nasabi at nailabas ang aking mga pagdaramdam at sakit. matagal ko na rin sanang sinabi sa iyo kung gaano kita minahal ng lubusan..

Hindi ka man magsabi ng "sorry" sa mga ngyari, ayos lang.. dahil alam kong ganyan ka na.. matigas ang loob mo. ma-"pride" kumbaga.. pero tanggap ko na kung ano ang iyong pagkatao.. dahil minahal kita..matagal na kitang pinatawad ng palihim..kaya ako na lamang ang hihingi ng paumanhin sayo.. humihingi ako ng tawad sa mga kakulangan ko ng pagmamahal sa iyo noon.. sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko.. dahil alam ko naman na kung hindi dahil sa mga pagkukulang ko noon, hindi ka masasaktan.. at higit sa lahat.. hindi ka gaganti..

Gusto ko ring sabihin sayo na palihim kitang minahal nung nasa unang taon pa lamang tayo ng high school.. ngunit dahil sa masaklap ang kapalaran, naging magkaibigan lang talaga tayo. Pinilit kong alisin ka sa aking isipan at tuluyang iwan ang mga ala ala mo.. alisin ang aking mga nararamdaman para sa iyo.. ako na ang nagparaya.. Dahil ang alam ko, magiging masaya naman ako balang araw.. Naging akin ka nga..masaya nga ako.. ngunit sa huli.. ako parin pala ang kawawa...

Pero hindi pala..

Oo tama.. hindi ako kawawa.. Masyado lang akong nalungkot sa paghihiwalay natin.. masyado akong nabigo sa pagmamahal mo kaya kinaawaan ko ang aking sarili.. nagkamali ako.. hindi ko dapat yun ginawa..

Pagkatapos kitang iyakan ng isang araw, kumain na lamang ako ng footlong kasama ang kuya ko. Nilabas ko sa kanya ang lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.. At sinabi niang hindi dapat ako nghinayang sa paghihiwalay natin.. Dahil parehas tayong nagkamali.. tama.. sana naisip mong mali ka rin.. Dahil nagmatigas ka. kaya naman ngayon masaya akong namumuhay kasama ang aking mga kaibigan.. nang wala ka.

Oo.. nang WALA ka..pero hindi ko kayang sabihing wala kang kwenta at hindi kita kailangan dahil kahit papaano ay minahal natin ang isa't isa..Kahit masakit ang mga pangyayari.. umaasa parin akong babalik ang dating saya ng buhay ko..Umaasa pa rin akong balang araw ay mamahalin parin kita gaya ng pagmamahal ng isang bata sa kanyang ina.. na tila ayaw niang mawala sa kanyang tabi ang nanay nia.. ganun ako sayo..

Kaya sana..Isang araw ay maisip mong nasaktan ako.. at kailangan parin kita ngayon.. Kahit na may taong sumasalo sa mga problema ko.. Kahit pilit kong ipalit sya sayo.. sa twing mgkasama kmi ay naiisip kong sana'y kasama kita.. sana ang mga kamay mo ang hawak hawak ko..sana ang mukha mo ang nakikita ko ngayon.. sana ikaw parin ang taong nasa tabi ko.. Yan lang ang hinihiling ko sa langit..Sana lang naman e.. sana lang..

I'm in love. haha

Umiiyak ako kapag malungkot. Nagdadabog kapag naaasar. Nagwawala kapag bangag. Nantritrip kapag walang magawa. Sumisigaw kapag napipikon. Tumatahimik kapag badtrip. Hindi kumikibo kapag nagtatampo. Nagwwalk out kapag nababanas. Tumatawa kapag masaya. Ngumingiti kapag ayos ang mood. Pero pano ako kapag in love?

Laging masaya. Laging nakangiti. Laging kumakanta. Positive lagi mag-isip. Good mood lagi. Basta sobrang masaya. I always blab about that person.. Gusto ko sya lagi yung pinag-uusapan nmin ng friends ko. i talk about you all the time.. and before i sleep, ikaw lagi kong naiisip.. Lalo na kapag mag-isa lang ako, i always reminisce.. Lagi akong nakkinig sa mga love songs. Super ganda ng araw ko lalo na kapag nakikita ko the person im in love with. I watch love stories everyday! haha I always stalk that person haha just kidding :D basta, whenever im with him.. i feel so comfortable and safe. Basta ang masasabi ko.... I'm in love.. üüü

He is everything..

He is everything. I love the way he smiles. His smile makes me smile too. His eyes are so wonderful that I can’t stop looking at it. His eyes sparks better than a star.. I love his hair, though it’s not that soft from too much gel and crazy hair products.. I love the way he looks at me as if he’s forever teasing me for being me. As if he knows what im thinking and what I am about to do.

I love his hands. Those hands I know so well.. I love his scent. The way that I could still smell him even if he’s already miles away from me.. I love his looks. So stupid and awkward, with his tall, lanky frame and his poor posture.. I love the way he wears his clothes.. like a model about to walk in a catwalk.. I love his voice.. his voice that gently tells me that everything’s going to be alright..

I love his unpredictable mood. Sometimes he’s super jolly and so hyper and so everywhere.. But sometimes, he’s locked himself in a world where he’s the only one who could understand himself. I love how he thinks everything would fall into place even if they don't. I love his passion for things that I don’t even understand. I love how he thinks of himself as a nobody, when in fact, he's pretty much popular and well-liked. I love how he takes his responsibilities seriously, how he manages to be a good friend, a good son and a good person all the time..

I love the way he gets mad at me, his “tampo effects”, How he gets jealous of other people that he thinks 'might take me away' from him, and the way we tease each other as the world’s most ugliest person.. [ when we both know that it’s definitely not true! Haha] I love the fact that he calls at unholy hours of the day, each day just to make sure I'm still alive.

I love the fact that we could sit beside each other and not saying anything but could still understand each other..(weird noh? Haha)

I love a lot more things about him. I love him for what he is and what he's not.

He is everything..

Oh yes he is..

He is everything…..


…but mine…..

New Post

bago ko to sinulat.. may isang artik pa akong gnawa kaso, ndi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko at binura ko ung npka habang yun.. sayang nga eh.. pero naisip ko rin na, kung susulat ako, dapat makakarelate ung mga magbabasa ng artik ko.. d ba? Hindi nman ako masyadong nghinayang.. Pero ano nga ba yung pnka pnghihinayangan ko?

Ahh.. o0 nga pala..Yung kapag halos 10 yrs na kyo mgbstfriends.. 10 yrs yung friendship.. 10 yrs na samahan.. bigla na lang mawawala... bigla na lang nasira ung friendship ng dahil lang sa isang npaka walang kwntang bagay..Parang isang salamin na nasira.. pira-piraso na lang tuloY... at sa tingin ko, hindi na yun muli pang mabubuo..

Siguro mgkaka-ayos pa kmi.. pero hindi na gaya ng dating samahan.. mahirap nang magtiwala sa isang taong tinaraydor ka.. Hindi ko nga maisip kung bakit mo yun ginawa.. Pero sana naisip mo yung mga mali mo. Ano ba naging problema? Bigla ka na lang nagbago..Ngayon, hindi ko parin alam kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit mo yun gnawa..sana i-explain mo naman sakin kung bakit.. Kung hindi ko pa nalaman sa iba.. Siguro matagal mo akong pplastikin...

WaheckZ! hindi ko na alam kung pano ko 'to tatapusin.. haha! Basahin nio na lang yung ibang p0st ko..thanks! >.<

YOU

You. The very mention of your name make girls swoon over… so when you told me you loved me, it was as if time was at a stand still… as if all the alcohol I have drunk was racing to my head..

You. Synonymous to player, babaero, manloloko. So when you told me you loved me it was as if the world made the biggest joke…and i was unfortunate enough to be the butt of it..

Drink alcohol.

You. The perfect trophy. Shining with all your glory. Handsome and rich… and that was your only purpose to me, a trophy. But as moments pass that I spent in your arms, I knew that I couldn’t fool anyone. Not even myself.

Drink alcohol.

You. Say the words I want to hear… your expression of your love move me to tears. Why has life decided to be so cruel to me? Why can’t I suppress this feeling that I have for you that has grown so completely awry?

Drink alcohol.

You. my knight in shining armor. my prince. my trophy.my alcohol. my everything..made my day s0 complete with y0ur w0nderful smile..

I know what I am facing is not an actual guaranteed happiness. But I also know this feeling is much better! *smiles*

Chris Tiu @ kaTipS..

October 29, 06.. GuesS wh0 i saw?! haha Chris Tiu!! At mCdonald's Katipunan.. WafU..! haha ganit0 un, ksma k0 friends k0 when kate and i were ordering..and then sa tabi k0 sa kbila, may gUy na mtngkad.. maputi.. kilig ung voiCe nia.. may feeling akong kilala ko sya e.. then paglingon ko.. Waaaaa Chris Tiu!! haha! saktong dala ko ung cam.! haha s0 i asked him.." uhmm.. hi.. pwedeng kunan k ng ph0to?!" then sbe nia. with hiS super duper nkakakilig na smile, "haha sure..why noT?" *spark* ngayon ko lang naupload ung picturE.. hndi ko nga alam kung bkt bglang nawala hiya ko nun..!! haii...*blushing* ;-)

Hey drop me off a testi okay?!

Kung may friendster ka, alam mo na ang salitang "testi".. At malamang hndi na ren bago sayo ang linyang.." oi testi k0 ah?! "

Kanina, binasa k0 ung mga testimonial sakin ng mga "friends" ko sa friendster..Hindi rin pala lahat dun totoo.. May ilan dun, puro positibo ang nilalagay.. pero talaga bang gusto nila un ilagay o napilitan lang sila para bigyan rin sila ng mgndang testi?

Kagaya sa iba.. kailangan mo pa bang ilagay ung.."mwah! lovey0u poh" kung break na kayo ng kasintahan mo?!

Haii.. ewan ko ba kung baket sabik na sabik ang ilan sa mga testimoniaL.. Yung iba nga, may mahigit pa sa 500 testimoniaLs..(cguro tinutukan nia ng shotgun is aisa un para mbgyan ng testi! hekhek!)

Natatawa ren ako sa mga pingssabe nung iba, mga kalokohan ko sa school, mga funny moments namin ng barkada... at kung anu anu pa..

Yung isa naman sinabing.."lagi ako nandito para sayo.. hndi kita iiwan friend..kht anung mngyare.." Dumating ung panahon na nag-iisa ka na lang.. wala kang karamay... kaso iniwan ka rin nia e... Delete testimoniaL? delete.

Yung isa naman, " sandy! i'll always be ur friend! wlang iwanan!" per0 bkit kpg ngkakasalubong kmi sa scho0l, parang wlang pingsamahan?! Delete testimoniaL? delete.

Yung isa, "Wag mo kakalimutang mgpray ok?! tumulad ka saken!! banal! haha! cge ingat! GodbleSS!" Teka, tumulad sa kanya?! e ang balita ko na rehab sya e?! tsk tsk! Delete testimoniaL? delete.

Hindi nga toto0..